How it Really is
by KeitaWolf
Summary: The town square was beautiful at night. For a second she almost forgot everything that was wrong in her life. But she couldn’t. She kept thinking back to her words 'Keep in mind we're under the same skies and the nights as empty for me, as for you.'
1. Introduction

**A Collection of Song Fics**

This is an idea that I came up with while I was in Germany. To have a whole story composed of individual stories. During the planning I was listening to CD's on my broken CD player (it turned off at Track 8), and it came to me that I could write song fics.

Now in all honesty I hate song fics, and tend to read the fic and exclude the song. But they're reasonable easy to write, and I can do them without a plan in class.

The organization of this fic is simple. The chapter Titles will be the name of the song, and the artist if there is room. You can browse through and find a song you like, or you can just read through straight.

Pairings will change around. I'll look to the lyrics and the song for inspiration. I will however at the top of each fic write a _Summary, Rating, Pairing, _and _Author Note._

We'll see how this fic comes along. Mainly it's here to keep me from going crazy in German and French; though I may in fact write some in History.

Gilmore Girls is awesome, so of course this is going to be only Gilmore Girls.

If you like you can e-mail me song lyrics that you would like to see. I'll do what I can with them… (MP3 attachments would be greatly NOTE: Roisin (my Gilmore Girl fanatic friend) and I will be having a Gilmore Girl Go Crazy 4 Day Marathon. Where we will watch Seasons 1-5 straight, and eat large amounts of take out, cheese burgers, and junk food, and drink unhealthy amounts of coffee, with as little sleep as possible. :D My excitement is at the point where my stomach is doing painful knots. I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT FOUR-DAY WEEKEND!

**Enjoy.**


	2. Dreaming BT

**Dreaming – BT**

**Summary: **Tristan falls asleep in class, his head spinning with the latest shut down from Rory. PJ Harvey tickets in hand, he drifts off in a day dream whose vividness makes him question his reality.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do not own BT or anything they produce. I do however own a very large and very strange imagination… But I'm willing to share.

**Pairing**: Implied Trory.

**Rating:** PG - PG13 (Nothing tough, just some fluff)

**A/N:** I love Trory's, and I love this song. Thanks to Katherine for sending it to me, and to the lovely site of for providing me with the lyrics for this. Uh, I love this song – however much my friends mock me for it. ENJOY!

* * *

Tristan walked into English. It was only yesterday that Rory had bluntly said no to his invitation to see PJ Harvey with him. What's more he still heard her last words echoing through his scull. "I hate him." She didn't have to just turn him down, but then she had to go running into the arms of that boyfriend grocer of hers.

The class quieted down as Tristan entered. It was typical; no one else had a life so they all watched his every move. He hated it. He would have loved to be able to just walk in unnoticed, and sit down quietly. He wanted what Rory had. Well almost, he was always watching her, maybe not directly, but when she walked into the class, he would feel the air around him lighten.

"Hey Tristan," cooed Summer.

"Summer," Tristan said not in the mood to play the role of Chilton's king.

"What are you doing Saturday? I heard Cole was planning a huge party."

Saturday was when he was planning on going to the concert with Rory. Feeling his whole day getting worse, he just answered "I think I might catch a movie."

"Want company?" She asked.

Tristan knew very well that she didn't want to go to a movie with him. He also knew that if he agreed he would sleep with her only to get the image of Rory out of his head. It's what he'd been doing sense she got here. All those girls, all the stories, everything was to get his mind off of her.

At first it was just him trying to convince himself that he didn't like Rory. She was attractive; he admitted that the first time he saw her. But she was an innocent, she was a Mary, and Tristan just didn't do Mary's. But when he felt himself slipping he tried using his popularity to convince her to be with him. Now he regretted it more than anything, as it was this tactic that lost her.

_No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming_

Tristan chose not to answer Summer. Taking a seat at the back, he watched Rory walk in. Her chocolate brown hair was slightly messy. None of the other girls that Tristan had dated would ever let their hair get that messy. She looked real. She looked slightly flushed, maybe she had been running. Tristan couldn't help but let his mind think of her boyfriend.

_No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming_

Tristan watched at she took a seat near the front, and open her text book. Pulling out some pens she began to write in her note book.

As the teacher walked into the class Tristan let his head rest on his; there was no reason to pay attention. He was already failing the class, and he could always ask one of the girls for their notes.

He though about Rory, her innocence, and how he could teach her to become daring.

_  
Walk with me,  
The future's at hand.  
Here with us,  
Here where we stand._

What would the school think if they were a couple? It was already known by most that Tristan had a huge crush on some mystery woman. There were very few who knew it was Rory. He could take the constant glare of the world; he took it every time he changed girls. But Rory, he didn't know if she was strong enough. Could that be why she wouldn't go out with him?

_We both know the power of pain,  
We get back up and start it again.  
_

Don't be silly, he told himself. She has a boyfriend. That's never stopped you before, the other part of his mind countered. Tristan let his eyes wonder to where Rory was holding her hand in the air, while scribbling down notes. Would she hate him if he proved to better than her bagboy?

_With new hope, no place for tears,  
Leave behind those frozen years.  
Come with me and we'll go dreaming._

What if he was worse? He wondered, almost instantly his mind refuted; you worse than bagboy? Never. 

We don't know how it can be,  
Searching out dignity.

Bagboy could hardly compare to him. He was Tristan DuGrey. Why was she immune to his charm. If only she could be more like Summer or Cissy… Don't be silly, his mind told him, you like he for her innocence.

Like that kiss on the piano bench, it was the innocence that left him craving her. He had never kissed someone with such innocence.

_  
Nothing can be as savage as love,  
One taste is never enough.  
_

If Rory was his, she would be happy. He convinced himself. She'd see that I'm better than bagboy, Tristan thought. I could show her what it's like to be loved.

_With new hope, no place for tears.  
Catch my hand and come with me.  
Close your eyes and dream._

Oh my god. Tristan thought. I'm in love with Rory Gilmore. I'm only 17 and I'm in love with a girl who hates me. A girl who to her best of her efforts tried to ignore me.

No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming  
No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming

Tristan looked over at her. He loved the way she held herself; slightly slouched, yet attentive. She looked like she was ready to take anything on. Her body did all the communication for her. That's what he liked to think. That Rory's body spoke truth, while he mouth uttered lies.

_  
No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming  
No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming  
_

How else could he explain the kiss? It was sensational, he could still taste her on his lips. He was sure that she had felt the chemistry in that kiss just as he had.

_  
Walk with me,  
The future's at hand.  
Here with us,  
Here where we stand._

At that moment he had understood her, just as she had, he assumed, understood him. He was hurt over Summer, while she wasn't Rory, she at least treated him like a person – most of the time. And Rory, well Rory had just broken up with bagboy. They were both hurting, why couldn't she feel the same comfort that he felt with her by his side?

_  
We both know the power of pain,  
We get back up and start it again._

I'll just keep trying, Tristan told himself. One she's with me, she'll become alive. She's quiet, but I can open her up. I – I could help her. I could – No, he corrected himself. She could open me up. She could help me.

_  
With new hope, no place for tears,  
Leave behind those frozen years.  
Come with me and the dream._

If only I could convince her. If I could just – She doesn't know, because she's just gotten back together with bagboy – Dean. 

We don't know how it can be,  
Searching out dignity.

But maybe, maybe she feels the same way. What if she's afraid? Bag-Dean was safe. Maybe she's afraid of getting hurt.

_  
Nothing can be as savage as love,  
One taste is never enough._

She could long for me, just like I long for her. That piano kiss wasn't one sided. She felt it, to her core. Running away – because she's afraid to love. B-Dean, she went back to him because he was safe. She doesn't need to be afraid with him, because – she knows him.

_  
With new hope, no place for tears.  
Catch my hand and come with me.  
Close your eyes and dream._

So now, she'll just have to get to know me. No making-out in front of her locker, no more teasing, or smirking. I could be nice – show her that I care.

No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming  
No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming

I was always convinced that she would like me because everyone else does. Everyone loves the King of Chilton. Could she love Tristan DuGrey instead?

_  
No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming  
No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming  
_

She could.

We'll go dreaming.

She will.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

She has to.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

What else would she do?

_  
We'll go dreaming._

I'm not an arrogant jerk.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

I'm kind.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

She likes kind.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

I've never felt this way.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

I love her.

_  
We'll go dreaming._

Does she love me?

Catch my hand and come with me.  
Close your eyes and dream.

"Mr. DuGrey." A stern voice echoed in his ear.

"Yes, sir?"

"May I ask why you're staring at Ms. Gilmore?"

No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming

"You may, sir."

_  
No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming_

"I don't need your attitude Mr. DuGrey, please report to the Head Masters."

_No words, no talk.  
We'll go dreaming  
_

Tristan walked past Rory, for the first time not smirking. He was ready to answer the question. Luckily he didn't because telling the whole class that he loved her would seem like a joke. It wasn't, but as King, no one thought him capable of love. But he was; and he loved Rory Gilmore.

_No pain, no hurt.  
We'll go dreaming_


	3. Date Rape Sublime

**Date Rape – Sublime**

**Summary: **Lane loves the life she's living. She's a drummer in an awesome band, she's living without her mother, and her band just opened at a major concert. But when she turns up at Stars Hollow Rory knows something is wrong, and sets about finding out what.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do not own Sublime or anything they produce. I do however own a very large and very strange imagination… But I'm willing to share.

**Pairing**: None (Rory Dean reference)

**Rating:** PG13/T (Implied events)

**A/N:** This one was a little harder to write, as the song was the whole story… I did my best… Tell me what you think.

* * *

"Lane." Rory called from a table, as her Asian friend walked through the front door; the brass bell chiming above her. "Thanks for coming, it's so good to see you," she continued pulling Lane into a hug. She flinched. Something she's never done before. Something was wrong. Rory's mind was working light speed trying to think up possibilities and organize them into the categories or possible, plausible, and idiotic. 

"Hi," Lane said, sitting down and gently pulling her sleeves over her hands.

"Lane, I love you. You're my best friend but something is wrong. Don't get me wrong – it's awesome that your back. But, well your different. Did something happen? Where's the band?"

"The band's fine, it's just – I… I couldn't stay in New York."

"Why? What happened?" Rory asked.

"Do you listen to Sublime much?" Lane asked out of no where.

"No, not really… What's this about Lane?"

"_Let me tell you about a girl I know, had a drink about an hour ago.  
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown hell._"

"Okay…" Rory said, a little scared at Lanes sudden bluntness.

"_She heard a noise and she looked through the door.And saw a man she'd never seen before.Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile._"

"Ew!" Rory said, squishing up her face, picturing a large man with fat rolling over the side of his pants.

Smiling slightly, Lane continued. "_Well, her eyebrow raised as he walked through the door. And took an empty seat next to her at the bar._" She paused a second, catching her breath. Rory waited in anticipation for the rest of the story. Her concern for Lane momentarily forgotten as her intrigue for the story grew. "_my brand new car is parked right outside. how'd ya like to go for a ride?"_

"She didn't, did she? I mean, I personally have nothing against the obese, but this is just plain weird, Lane."

Rory was silenced with a look.

"A_nd she said wait a minute I have to think. He said, that's fine. may I please buy you a drink. One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car. And they drove away someplace real far._"

"Lane, what is this? Lane." Rory said, suddenly concerned with the direction if the story.

Lane continued as if Rory hadn't spoken. "_Now babe the time has come. How'd ya like to have a little fun? And she said, if we could only please be on our way, I will not run._"

Rory was silent. This was not a typical Lane story. Lane being the music Guru would obviously know many songs, and this story being rhyme made Rory believe that what Lane was saying, were the lyrics to a song. 

"_That's when things got out of control. She didn't want to, he had his way. She said, let's go. He said, no way!_" Lane was shaking slightly. Her voice was wobbly, as she continued staring at a point on the table. "_Come on babe it's your lucky day. Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way._" Silent tears started to make their way down her face. "_Come on baby don't be afraid, If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid._"

Rory started to interrupt. But Lane stopped her, eyes flickering up.

"Let me finish. Ror, I need to finish." She whispered silently, a pleading look in her eyes. Drawing in a deep breath she re-fixed her eyes on the table. Stuttering a little, she forced the rest of the story out. "_He finished up and he started the car. He turned around and drove back to the bar. He said now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad._" Lane whimpered as the last words escaped her lips.

Rory reached for her hand. Looking at her with millions of emotions attacking her mind. Pity. Terror. Pride. Anger. Relief. Why relief? She suddenly wondered. It's not like this is a relief. But Lane was alright. She got through okay.

"Is there more?" Rory asked quietly.

Lane nodded. "_She picked up a rock, threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now his got a big scar. Come on party people won't you listen to me. Date. Rape. stylie._" She whispered quietly. 

Silence. Rory looked up for a second and met Luke's eye. He was coming over to refill her coffee mug, but she told him with her eyes to wait. A confused look crossing his face disappeared at the site of a pale, crying Lane.

She continued, "_The next day she went to her drawer, looked up her local attorney at law, Went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's ass to court._"

"When was this?" Rory asked, not being able to hold in her inquisitive self until the end of the story.

"Two months ago." There was another silence.

"And then?" Rory asked gently, tracing the rim of her cup, so her fingers wouldn't feel so restless.

"_Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, she lies that little slut!_" Lane chocked on the last word. Rory looked up, prepared to comfort her friend, but she saw a new resolve on her face. "_The judge knew that he was full of shit and he gave him 25 years. And now his heart is filled with tears._"

"Oh, Lane." Rory said, reaching across the table to give her best friend a hug.

"Listen Rory. Have you heard the end of the song?"

Shaking her head, Rory watched as Lane produced a CD player and a CD. Changing to Track 14, Lane held the ear phones to her ear for a moment. Then paused the CD before passing them to Rory.

"Ready?" She asked, looking as Rory, a glimmer of her old light in the depths of her dark eyes. Rory nodded. She listened as the beat echoed through her ears, and the reggae music began to quell her nerves slightly. It was quick paced, and blunt.

That night in jail it was getting late.  
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.  
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.  
That's when things got out of control.

Rory looked at Lane while she watched. This had really happened. She had really been raped, and she was back. To see Mama Kim?

_The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.  
But that's the way it had to be.  
They locked him up and threw away the key._

No. Stars Hallow was safe. She was here because after all the trials, and all the ordeals that New York presented her with, that this was her childhood; her safe and sheltered childhood.

_Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,  
Even though he now takes it in the behind._

Lane was a stronger person than Rory ever thought possible. All her childhood, growing up with this girl beside her, she never thought her possible of such inner strength.  
_  
That's the way it had to be.  
They locked him up and threw away the key._

Admiration was all that Rory felt for Lane. The girl she always knew was now a woman. She had been presented with a trail that no one deserved. And she had overcome where all others would have failed.

_  
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,  
Even though he now takes it in the behind._

Lane sat there, looking Rory in the eye as the song began to end. 

Date rape

Her face only held resolve.

She didn't want to take it!

"Lane, how did you do it."

"I – I kept thinking that if I got pregnant that I'd want to raise a daughter like Lorelai raised you. And I just did what I thought your mom would do. It – it was terrifying. It, it hurt."

"Yea," Rory said, remembering her first time with Dean. How it hurt physically, and how her heat felt like it was being ripped out of her chest.

"What do I tell Mama Kim?" Lane asked, her bottom lip quivering at the prospect.

"That you did the right thing. That you're my hero." Rory whispered.

"Don't joke," Lane said, wiping the tears from her face.

"I'm not Lane. What you did – I could never do. You had to be so strong to get through this, and look at you, you're. Strong Lane. Strong."

"Thanks Rory." Lane whispered, as Luke put a coffee mug in front of her.

Rory smiled up at him. He always knew just when someone needed coffee.


	4. Mary Sarah McLachlan

**Mary - Sarah McLachlan**

**A/N:** For those who are reading my other fics Drowning in Freedom, Push, and Improbabilities chapters are on their way… I am having the most unbelievable case of writers block, and the fact that I have absolutely no time between training and everything else in my life. HOWEVER! I am creating time, 10 minute writing intervals daily, should help things. Not to mention that I'm taking quotes and references down whenever I watch a movie to use in my fics. (Nerd – yes I know). In the mean time, enjoy this chapter in my Song Fic collection.

**Summary: **Tristin was stunned to say the least. Never would he have ever expected for the Bag-Boy to be his Mary's ex. The way his mind had it, the two were going to get married, move in next door to him and flaunt it for the rest of his life.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do not own Sarah McLachlan or anything she produces. I do however own a very large and very strange imagination… But I'm willing to share.

**Pairing**: If the Title isn't a dead give away, I'll let you in on a secret… psst. It's a Trory!

**Rating:** PG - PG13 (Nothing much, just some fluff and some Dean bashing)

* * *

Tristin DuGrey had had it with lusting over Rory Gilmore. There was something wrong with her. She was crazy, insane. No sane person would lust over an insane person, right?

Exactly. No sane person would turn down Tristin DuGrey. No sane person would publicly declare their hate for him. No sane person would run away after the most incredible kiss ever experienced by mankind. Certainly not; No sane person would ever do that. And no sane person would still want someone after being victim to all of the aforementioned.

So what did that make him? Cracked? Psychotic? Mental? Tristin for the life of him could not understand why he still hungered for his Mary.

However, seeing her step off her bus was like slamming his head into a brick wall. Suddenly he was flooded with memories of his Mary biting her bottom lip in nervousness, walking the halls while reading her book, zoning out with her music and a good novel at lunch, comforting him after his breakup with Summer. Rory Gilmore was quite possibly the last and only decent person at Chilton Prep, and Tristin within five minutes of knowing her had ruined any chance he ever had at a relationship.

_Mary walks  
Down to the water's edge_

Sometimes he wondered if their banter was just her being to polite to tell him to shove it up his – … Rory Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, Rory Gilmore! People would think he was nuts if they could get inside his head for just one moment. He didn't have a thought that didn't come back to her. Math test – Rory would have gotten that question; Date with Cissy – Wish it were Rory; Chicken for dinner – Rory would have a burger; it was as if he had no thought that was his own!

TRISTIN! His mind yelled. FOCUS! Right. Focus… That's what he needed to do. Where was Rory right now?

Tristin's eyes followed her coffee brown hair towards, then through the front doors of Chilton. Unconsciously he began to follow, his mind thinking not for the first time how suited it was that Rory with a coffee addiction, had coffee brown hair.

Before he knew any better he found himself leaning up against the locker beside hers.

"Hey Mary," the words were dripping with suggestion. How could he be such a pig, while she sat there in all her angelic beauty?

"Please Tristin, could we just, not do this now," she asked, tactfully hiding her head in her locker.

_And there she hangs her head  
To find herself faded_

Hearing the sadness in her voice, he instantly went onto alert.

"Hey," He said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You alright?"

Rory finished putting her books into her bag. Taking a deep breath she closed her locker, and slowly spun to look at Tristin.

_  
A shadow of what she once was  
_

"I'll kill him!" He shouted, gaining the stares of more than just a few of the passing students.

"Tristin," Rory hissed.

"It was him wasn't it?"

"Who, that did what?" she asked, starting to get angry. "What are you talking about?"

"Rory, you're crying," Tristin said, his heart torn between the need to hurt someone for hurting her, and the need to wrap his arms around her and tell her it will be alright.

"No I'm not," she said stubbornly wiping a tear from her eye.

"What's this about?" Tristin asked gently, pushing down his anger, and trying a more subtle approach.

"In how many languages can you say it's none of your business?" Her words striking up a memory for Tristin, helped to reassure his mind that it was about her 'Bag-Boy'

"All of them, I think." Tristin said, trying to lighten the mood. "Come on Ror, tell me what wrong."

"Hey, you called me by my real name," Rory said, realizing just then that he wasn't using her nick name. While the name 'Mary' no long peeved her, she knew that Tristin was being serious, because he always called her Mary unless he was. "Well you'll take pleasure to know that Dean and I just broke up."

_She said 'how long have I been sleeping_

Tristin was stunned to say the least. He suspected that the tears were because of some row the two had had. Or even an accidental over pricing which put Rory out an extra fifty cents. Never would he have ever expected for the Bag-Boy to be his Mary's ex. The way his mind had it, the two were going to get married, move in next door to him and flaunt it for the rest of his life.

"He's an idiot," Tristin said honestly.

"Yea, right…" She replied with bitter sarcasm.

"Well he is, don't worry, they'll be other guys. If Dean had the nerve to break up with you, then he's obviously not worth your time."

_  
And why do I feel so old_

"I couldn't say it. I – I could tell him."

_  
Why do I feel so cold_

"Couldn't tell him what?"

"Ha," Rory spat, coming out of herself before she got too wrapped up, too emotional; too involved. "I bet you're loving this." She said shooting his words back at him. "Dean breaks up with me, I'm miserable, and now just look at you! You're being nice only to get ammunition for later on. Well fine! I don't care anymore! I couldn't tell him I loved him! I didn't love him! I never did." She ended quietly. With these words she collapsed onto the floor, sobs over taking her, abandoning any hope Tristin held of her saying more.

"Rory, my Mary," Tristin said smiling into her eyes. "I would never take pleasure in your pain. Never," he interrupted her more forcefully, before she could protest. Sliding onto the floor beside her he continued. "Maybe this Dean thing isn't so bad. He was you're first boyfriend. He won't be the last," giving her a smile he continued. "This gives you a chance to look around. Open up, who knows, maybe you'll find someone who can love you enough to _wait_ for you to fall in love with them."

Rory looked up. Her tear swollen blue orbs, meeting his. The depth of emotion there scared her. It was more than a challenge, and certainly more than passion, or admiration; even more than lust. In his eyes she saw love deeper than she ever had or ever seen with Dean.

_My heart is saying one thing but my body won't let go'  
_

Who was she kidding, this is Tristin. Cocky Tristin, Evil Tristin, Bible Boy; she was talking about the Spawn of Satan here. The only thing Tristin cared about was how long it would take to un-do the leather clasps of her kilt. She couldn't do this.

Rory Gilmore had had it with having to convince herself that Tristin wasn't worth her time. There was something wrong with him! He was crazy, insane. No sane person would like someone suffering from insanity, right?

Precisely. And, no sane person would tease her until she felt like dying, just to prove he liked her. No sane person would get in a fight with her date because he was "just getting to know him." No sane person would ask after the most incredible kiss ever experienced by mankind, "What? Did I bite your lip, or something?" Certainly not; No same person would ever do that. And no sane person would still look at someone with more than a little hope after being victim to all of the formerly mentioned.

So what did that make her? Crazed? Irrational? Nuts? Rory for the life of herself could not understand why she liked the Spawn of Satan.

However, looking into his eyes again was like having a piano dropped onto her head. Suddenly she was flooded with memories of Bible Boy offering her his notes, going to the troubles of finding out her favorite band, asking her to go to the dance with him, Comforting her after her last break-up with Dean. That kiss… Tristin DuGrey was quite possibly the only person at Chilton Prep who had gone out of his way to be near her. And after just one day of knowing him, she had ruined any chance she ever had at something more.

"Tristin," she asked quietly, looking away from him. Her mental pro, con list complete there was only one thing to do. "Do you want to go get some coffee?"

_With trembling hands she reaches up_

_A stranger's flesh is offered  
_

"As you wish," Tristin said, smiling as he stood up, offering his hand for her to pull herself up.

Rory smiled, and followed him outside. Screw classes, she needed to wallow, and what's better to wallow with than coffee, who knows; maybe she could talk Tristin into getting some ice cream too!

_  
And I would be the last to know_

Tristin looked over to the embodiment of perfection. Would she ever know how he felt? Even if she did, what were the odds that she would return the feelings; give him a chance?

No. It was better that he leave it at teases. That way, he could always pretend they didn't matter, all the while, not letting himself think she didn't notice because she didn't know. It was a stupid plan – but he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, it worked, and he was of no mind to change it.

_  
I would be the last the let it show_

_I would be the last to go _

They walked slowly to his car. Tristin kept glancing over to Rory, noticing her torn expression. There was a sadness in her eyes, and as he continually stared into her blue orbs he noticed a slight determination. Curious, he continued to walk, until he felt her place a hand on his wrist; the exposed skin burning with contact.

He looked at her expectantly. It terrified him to feel that burning sensation. He wasn't used to feeling anything. All the girls he had been with, been around, all of them still left him numb. Cold, yes, but usually numb. What was it with this girl?

"I don't want to get coffee."

In the two years that Tristin had known her, she had never turned down a cup of coffee. She had actually gone out of her way, and even bribed or threatened someone, if it would get her a cup. What in the world would make her not want coffee, he wondered.

"Okay…" Tristin stated, as an awkward silence began. Burying his hands in his pockets, he waited. When the silence became unbearable he finally spoke up regretfully, "I guess I'll just go then…"

"NO!" Rory shouted almost too quickly, reaching out for his hand. The same burning sensation erupted inside Tristin, beginning at his hand and progressing until he felt like he was going to explode.

"No?" He asked, watching her struggle with herself. He knew from experience that she was making a mental pro con list, about what he had no idea. It didn't help that her grip on his hand was distracting him from any sane thought.

"Yes, or no. No. It's just –" she stated, throwing her hands up in frustration. "He said he didn't want me. He said – he said there wasn't any fire. I tried Tristin, I tried to make it better. I did, I tried to say I love you. But – I couldn't. I just, I – I want to feel wanted." She confessed. "That's what you do right? Make girls feel wanted, even if it's just for a week?" She asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Tristin was absolutely dumbfounded. Never in a million years would he have expected this. Rory was asking to be a flavor, she was asking for him to throw her up against a locker and kiss her senseless. Rory Gilmore was asking to be with Tristin DuGrey, and it didn't matter if it was just for a short while. Was this a dream? Or a nightmare? What happened to his Mary?

_Take her hand  
She will lead you through the fire_

"Come on," he said, gently pulling her towards the back of the school.

Following nervously Rory couldn't get over how blunt she had been. She had practically asked to be one of Tristin's flavors, and what's worse is that she didn't think she would mind.

Tristin held her hand as he crossed the football field. He could feel her nervously following behind him, but feared stopping incase it was just a dream.

Reaching the bleachers, he turned to face her. His mind raced for something to say, something, anything! Instead he just stood there, kicking dirt with his black oxfords; shifting his weight from one foot to the other every so often.

Rory wasn't much better herself. She looked down, letting her loose hair fall over her face. Hiding, trying to avoid his eyes. What an idiot she'd been. She wasn't blonde. She wasn't the type of girl he liked. She was the pure, untouchable Mary, who no one _would_ touch, for fear of breaking her delicate reputation.

Mary, this is your Mary, his mind taunted. You have her, now take her. But he couldn't. He'd spend forever lusting over her, some how that lust had turned to love, and somewhere in the process he'd lost himself. Screw it, she wanted this, you're doing this for her. That was all the convincing he needed before ducking his head to capture her lips.

Caught by surprise Rory staggered backwards. Tristin taking this as a rejection, pulled back angry at himself for believing her innocent eyes.

However one kiss was all it took for Rory, no way was she giving up after overcoming her very nature to get here. Stepping foreword she invaded his space, getting up onto her tiptoes, she gently pressed her lips to his.

What began gentle soon escalated, to the point where Tristin had Rory lifted up, legs wrapped around him, back slammed up against the back of the bleachers. Her arms had found themselves entangled in he hair, while his slid up and down her thigh. Finally Tristin pulled away, needing to catch his breath. For someone who wasn't much of an athlete Rory had an amazing lung capacity.

Slowly catching his breath he rested his forehead against hers. An intimate gesture he didn't think twice about, but would have never conducted with one of his regular companions.

"Mary, are you sure you can do this?" He asked, looking deep into her eyes, their all the more engulfing and mystifying at such close range.

_Give you back hope  
And hope that you won't take too much  
_

"Just call me Vanilla," she said, taking a deep breath.

"What about chocolate?" Tristin asked, looking into her eyes.

"Okay then, chocolate."

"Cappuccino?"

"I love cappuccino!" Rory chimed losing herself in the banter that came so naturally with them.

"Sour Apple?" he asked sadly.

"Like the gummy?" she asked smiling.

"Don't you see Rory? You're not like them." He said, gently setting her down.

_Respecting what is left_

"I – I don't understand." Rory replied, suddenly feeling cold.

"You aren't two dimensional Rory! You're so much more than one flavor!" he yelled, emotions getting the better of his natural calm.

_She cradled us_

"I can be just one. Tristin," she pleaded. "I can, just give me a chance."

_  
She held us in her arms  
Unselfish in her suffering she could not understand_

"But what if I don't want you to be?"

"Give me a chance. Let me be vanilla, chocolate, sour apple – whatever. Tristin please. I've already been rejected once, don't do this to me again." With those words he felt his heart break. He knew what he had to do, what he had to do for her. She deserved so much more than he could offer her. If hurting her now saved him from breaking her later, well he saw no other option.

_  
That no one seemed to have the time  
To cherish what was given_

"Mary, I couldn't live with myself if you became vanilla." He said truthfully.

"Fine." She said, turning cold, and shutting me out.

_  
And I would be the last to know  
And I would be the last to let it show_

"Mary, come on. Don't do this."

_  
I would be the last to go..._

"For the last time," she said sadly. "It's Rory."

_  
Mary walks...

* * *

_

**A/N:** Wow… After all that this is certainly not where I expected this fic to end up. When planning it out I remember something about them being together in the end… But for some reason this worked better, and I'm not sure why, but I'm having troubles writing happy endings right now… I'm such a pessimistic realist. What a horrible combination… Anyways. This was a progressive piece written over about 8 months (yes it's been rotting on my computer that long). Please don't tell me it sucks (unless it does), I'm not sure what I'd do with myself.

Don't hate me! My other fics are coming! DiF is currently in my Beta's inbox, and Improbabilities and Push are going to get attacked tomorrow after practice. FEAR NOT! I'm back, and writing again.


	5. Kiss the Rain Billie Myers

**Kiss the Rain – Billie Myers**

**A/N:** It's been too long.

**Summary: **Marriage was supposed to be this grand and wonderful thing. But instead all it brought her was stress, and pain, and worry. Did he not love her? Was it all a lie?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do not own Billie Myers or anything she produces. I do however own a very large and very strange imagination… But I'm willing to share.

**Pairing**: It's a Narco told through the eyes of Lindsay. Interesting twist, no?

**Rating:** PG - PG13

* * *

Saturday night. 9 PM. She shouldn't be worried. This wasn't the first time he wasn't home…

In the back of her mind she knew it wasn't right. She knew he was perfectly fine. But he wasn't with her,

and it hurt her to know that she wasn't his first choice.

She lifted her cell phone to her ear. One quick call wouldn't hurt. They were in love right? What better way to show that then to give her husband a quick call to say she missed him?

'Hey, this is Dean. I'm not here right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back.' Beep.

Where are you? She thought.

Opening her mouth she let her standard message out. "_Hello, Can you hear me, Am I gettin' through to you?_"

She missed him. These late night disappearances had begun only a few weeks ago. Or had they? Maybe she had just been blinded by the bliss of a newlywed life.

Things were still happy. The sex… well the sex _was_ great. But the days were getting longer, and the stress was becoming tiring. They needed him at work, he had an early morning. He just wasn't there.

He was her husband, her soul mate. She dialed again.

"_Hello_" he finally answered. A smile graced her face. Just the sound of his voice was enough to make her giddy. This wasn't Nick and Jessica. This was going to last. She could feel it; the delicate wings of butterflies grazing her core.

"Hey honey. I miss you,"

"Yea, I…" he carried off "I miss you too."

"_Is it late there?_" She asked, hoping to draw his attention. "Who's working with you?"

"No one Lindsay." He mumbled distractedly.

_  
There's a laughter on the line _

"_Are you sure you're there alone? Cause I'm tryin' to explain,_" she uttered, frustrated with his reluctance to reply, and her own inability to put feelings into words. "_Somethin's wrong,_" she tried. "_Ya just don't - sound the same._"

_  
Why don't you._ She thought. Why don't you sound the same?

"_Why don't you go outside…_" she drifted off. Go outside and do what? She thought. Go outside and get away from _her, _screamed her mind. No! Her heart cried. Model marriage. True Love. Soul Mates. "Go_ outside. Kiss the rain._" She said with desperate pleading tone. "_Whenever you need me, kiss the rain,_" she whispered. "_Whenever I'm gone too long, if your lips feel lonely and thirsty - Kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn._"

"What are you on about Lindsay?" Dean asked, his voice now annoyed and angry. "You call me at 10:30 at night, knowing very well I might add that I'm working." There – the laughter again. "_Keep in mind –_"

"_We're under the same sky,_" she interrupted. "_And the nights as empty for me, as for you,_" she said, her words telling him she knew the truth. "_If ya feel you can't wait till morinin', kiss the rain._" She whispered.

"_Kiss the rain,_" He asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

"_Oh,_" she sighed. "W_ould it mean anything if you knew what I'm left imagining?"_

"Imagining?" He exclaimed, "Lindsay, if your imagination had any bearing on this conversation I'd most likely be in bed with Rory Gilmore. For Christ's sake! Get over yourself! It's all in your mind, and frankly it's starting to piss me off."

"_In my mind,_" she choked out. "_In my mind_, I see you lying to me. I see you cheating on me. I see you leaving me for her. But Dean, it's my heart that matters. My heart says that I love you, and that that's enough."

"I can't have this conversation with you right now. I just – I can't."_  
_

_Would you _go? She wondered. Would_ you go_ if I asked you?

"_Kiss the rain,_" She whispered."_Hello,_" she asked, hearing the deafening dial tone. "Hello?"

* * *

Two hours later the door opened. She opened her eyes and glanced up from the couch she'd fallen asleep on.

"Baby?" She asked tiredly. What was she doing on the couch? She wondered.

"Hey Linds," Dean said, leaning over to kiss her forehead, as he dropped his jacket onto a chair. "I'm going to get to sleep," he said. "It's been a long night," he added before she could interrupt.

He had almost made it to the stairs when she asked, "_Do you miss me?_"

"What?"

"Do you miss me?" she repeated.

"Lindsay," he sighed, turning to look at her. "Works been chaotic, and I want to make sure that we have a nice house, and nice things. We're newlyweds, things aren't going to be easy."

"Yes, but do you miss me?"

"You know I do."

"_I hear you say you do, but not the way I'm missin' you_. You're never around. It feels like I've married a ghost!" she cried out."_What's new?_" she added sarcastically. "_How's the weather? Is it stormy where you are?_" she wiped away a tear. Damn, she thought.

Calming down slightly she looked him in the eye. His face blurred by her tears, she simply said, "It's raining here Dean. Where are you?"

"I'm right here," he said, lifting his arms as if to suggest something more significant. _  
_

"_Cause you sound so close but it feels like you're so far_," she exhaled.

Dean walked over and enveloped her in his arms. "Do you remember when we first kissed?" he asked suddenly.

She smiled lightly.

"We were outside the school, and it was pouring buckets. You were soaking wet, and I'd just finished basketball practice. You'd been waiting there for over an hour because practice ran late. When I walked out you ran up to me and just kissed me. You said you'd been waiting over an hour to do it. You said it was like kissing the rain. _Kiss the rain_, you said. _And you'd fall over me_. I don't forget Lindsay. I'm always thinking of you, I love you."

She sighed, breathing in his scent – Vanilla, that's… she pushed him away. "You love me or her Dean?" she asked, tears springing into her eyes. "Do you think I'm stupid? I've been waiting, Dean, waiting and waiting! _Think of me_! Forget about her, and just t_hink of me_!" She sobbed. "_Think of me_!"

"I do think about you Lindsay!"

"_Only me,_"she whispered

"I'm sick of this Lindsay. I can't make you happy. I spend all day thinking about you, working to support you, taking calls; from you! And what do I get?" he demanded, in an angry tone. "_Kiss the rain_," he said in a high-pitched, snotty voice. "_Whenever you need me kiss the rain_." He continued. "_Whenever I'm gone too long _–"

"Stop it!" Lindsay interrupted. "This isn't a joke Dean. I'm sick of it! I am serious when I say that _if your lips feel hungry and tempted _- _Kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn_."

"I'm outa here," Dean said. Grabbing his discarded jacket and heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Lindsay yelled.

"To kiss the bloody rain," he replied sarcastically before slamming the door.

Lindsay let her knees give as she crumbled to the ground. Tears streaming down her face, she looked up at the ceiling as if looking for answers. When none came, she started to sob.

* * *

Walking briskly Lindsay tried to ignore the feeling in her gut. It was dark out, and the streets were brightly lit – Taylor's idea to keep the neighborhood free of gangs and troublemakers. The wind was cold on her face, and the tears that slipped from her eyes did nothing to warm it.

She didn't know why she was walking. Mainly, she guessed, it was because the house was so silent. The silence was so loud that it became deafening; Though outside it was just suffocating.

This wasn't her town. It was Rory's. She knew it, even when she'd first started dating Dean. Rory Gilmore was the town princess. It felt good though; dating the man that decided he was better than that. It felt more than good – she felt like a queen.

Taking a deep sigh, she stopped where she was. Turning around gently she let out a slight laugh of disbelief. How had things gotten this far?

Lindsay sat down under the tree in front of her. The town square was beautiful at night. For a second she almost forgot everything that was wrong in her life. But she couldn't. She kept thinking back to her words '_Keep in mind we're under the same skies; and the nights as empty for me, as for you._'

What made them so different? Why was it that he could leave her without a care in the world?

It was these thoughts which held her attention until she heard footsteps in the distance.

"Are you sure you're alright?" the voice asked. Lindsay felt her blood turn cold. It was her – she seethed. How dare she come by and interrupt her misery!

"Yea, I'm fine," was the reply.

Lindsay's eyes flew open. It couldn't be.

"What's going on Dean? You've been all hot and cold lately."

"I've just got a lot on my mind," was the reply. "I've made a lot of mistakes Rory," he said suddenly.

"Is this…" she trailed off, her voice sounding vulnerable and scared.

"No," Dean said quickly, turning and holding gently onto her arms. "This isn't a mistake. In fact, this is probably one of the smartest decisions I've made in a long time."

"Okay," she said her voice leaving to question her true feelings. "But what about _her_?" she asked quietly.

"Lindsay and I have been having problems forever. It was a mistake getting married. I already told you that," he said, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I know, and you keep telling me that. I guess I just wonder why if you're having so many troubles with marriage, and things are going so well with us, why you don't just end it. Why not just do the paperwork and be done with it?"

"There's more to it than that," Dean said, a slight tone of frustration coming out. "Lindsay – she's having a rough time right now. It's too much for her to just end it out of the blue."

"But would it be so sudden if you're having problems?"

"It's different Rory. I mean when you and I were dating, we talked. We always knew where we were at, and other than the Jess thing we never really had any problems… Well Lindsay and I don't talk. Truth be told we didn't even talk when we were dating. We don't work Ror, we don't have this," he said leaning forward and kissing her slowly.

"_If you feel, you can't wait till morning - Kiss the rain._" Lindsay whispered, watching from her position in the shadows. "_Kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain._" She cried, tears streaming down her face._  
_

"Come on," Dean said, pulling at Rory's hands gently.

"Where are we going?" she giggled.

"Shh," Dean said, silencing her with a kiss.

Walking up the steps to Ms. Patty's, Dean and Rory disappeared inside the barn

"_Kiss the rain,_" Lindsay repeated, trying to will her words into truth. "_Kiss the rain, kiss the rain_."

She gently lifted up her cell phone, and dialed Dean's number. "_Hello, Can ya hear me?" _She asked, not even trying to hide her sobs. "_Can ya hear me?_" She hung up.

"It's over," she said to the night. "_Can ya hear me?_ It's over."


End file.
